As a lead-in to the main event, Major League Eating on Friday will hold a first-of-its-kind "cross-species" eating contest between three competitive eaters and three Asian elephants. MLE's Shea described it as the realization of one of his two lifelong dreams, the other being a scenario in which a dozen competitive eaters eat the entire contents of a convenience store.

In my opinion, this article signals the beginning of the end of society as we know it.

While they may lack in portion size, they make up for it in sheer quantity.